I Lack

2011/12 Note: Never went to prom. Never dated in school. The facts of the matter don’t keep me up at night. 

Someone asked me, “Hey, you going to prom?” I replied no. He answered another question, “How about next year?” I said maybe, but it’s not the top of my list of goals. And it isn’t. The thing just doesn’t interest me. The other reason is that I probably can’t/won’t find a date. There seems to be a problem with females at my school, and well, it just doesn’t fit my vibe. I don’t like them, and they return the favor. A lack of matruity, for people who are usually months older than me. Fair enough reason.

Not against the whole concept, but I’m surprised how many snap judgments people make when you don’t go to this event. Usually, they’ll ask you “Got a date?” Say no, and the label would be “loser” (I understand how insecure some people are) or “fag” (Because it makes me gay to not have a date huh?). The whole process starts at least 3 months. The setups, forced dates, “just friends” situtation, and numerous attempts to get ANYBODY. These are my observations. The mockery, how stupid it is. The only joke heard is “I got a date, haha, beat that” The lame comeback to any direct insult.

Is the whole thing really cool for a guy? Except for the fact of having intercourse in the limo. For me, all I want to experience is wearing a nice tuxedo to an event where it’s required. Not like all the other formal events, which turns out to be casual. It’s not really a great memory, because I doubt I’ll work a relationship with the girl. After graduation, I’m gone. College is new, and why only hook one fish? I’m not a person like that, but I do like to appeal to that audience. I find it strange when married couples years later meet up with their prom dates. How the hell did she/he look like that before and look like this now? I hate to revisit that memory.

I can’t commit to a relationship. I can’t truly commit to anything for a long period of time. I joke saying that I couldn’t even commit to smoking if I tried it. What I’ve always said is that I’m a horrible, irresponsible person. I’m not going to make dating seem fun, due to age, money and other reasonable constraints. Don’t date me first. I’ll ruin the fucking experience if they do try me first, and I can’t live with that guilt knowing I messed this person up.

What does the title “I Lack” mean? Nothing specific in mind. I originally wrote about how guys try too hard to impress girls, and ventured off onto this prom crap. It had better opinions, so I went with it. I lack a lot of stuff, but that’s not due to prom. I could care less, and it’s not making me feel any worse.

Do I need to go to prom next year? I should.

Do I need a girlfriend? Right now, no. I prefer to be self-sustained.

Do I lack something? Yes. I lack GTAIV. Everyone is playing GTAIV right now as I type this lame blog entry.


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